Several years ago, my Mom's friend was visiting her at our home and randomly asked me, "May asawa ka na ba?" (Are you already married?) I answered honestly that I wasn't married, to which she replied, "Kawawa naman ang baby namin. Yung anak ko may asawa na at tatlo na ang anak." (Poor baby. My daughter is already married and she has three kids.)
I was insulted by this little exchange. First of all, she used the word "na" (already) like it meant that the state of marriage is something that everyone has to achieve in their lifetime. Second, she was pitying me because I was unmarried in my thirties. This was coming from a woman whose daughter (about 10 years younger than me) was married to a good-for-nothing man, and was living in her parents' house because they couldn't afford to raise their kids on their own. That made me think that our society has a very warped value system to consider someone like me as a pitiable person, someone who had a successful career, a happy life and who took care of her parents instead of leeching from them.
I have always been a loner. Growing up, I didn't think it weird that I spent hours and hours alone in my black-walled room. This was before the time of Facebook and Social Media. I was very happy and content in my room reading, drawing, writing short stories, designing floor plans for houses, making my own paper dolls and doing cross-stitch projects. When I was in Grade School and High School, I made a lot of friends but even then, I still liked going home to my room and doing whatever I enjoyed doing. My friends called me Homer, because I actually liked going home. I started coming out of my shell in college, making friends and spending time with them but I was still perfectly happy in my dorm room, reading a good book.
I don't think people believe for a minute that I'm single because no one wanted me. I think some of them might have thought I was gay, not that there's anything wrong with that. I'm just not. It seems impossible that absolutely no man was ever attracted to me in my 40 years in this planet because there were. I just wasn't interested.
I don't think I'm an ugly person. Not to brag but I have many talents: singing, drawing, writing and I have heaps of brains. I also think I have a pretty good personality. I make friends very easily. I have lifelong friends that other women would envy but new people that I meet tend to love spending time with me too. I have been in Toronto for only 3 whole months and I already have people coming to visit me in my little apartment. One co-worker even asked me recently, "You have a dinner party? How long have you been here? Five minutes?"
I know a lot of people that seem to think that being single is the worst tragedy in the world but not me. I don't think that it is unnatural that I don't want to get married, at least not right now. I am not against the state of marriage. I have a lot of family members and friends who are happily married and I respect that. However, I don't envy them because I'm probably as happy as most of them.
Being single allows me to do whatever I want, whenever I want. It allows me to support my family without feeling guilty that I'm depriving anyone of anything. It allowed me to move from Calgary to Toronto on a whim. My co-workers back in Calgary, who I still trade messages with, are actually envious of that. They said if they didn't have husbands, kids or boyfriends, they would have loved to do the same. I could not be happier now.
I may change my mind in the future but I can certainly say that right now, I'm perfectly happy and --- dare I say it? --- I pity anyone who isn't.
